


Tattoo

by Learning_more



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fix-It, Unresolved Emotional Tension
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-08
Updated: 2019-07-08
Packaged: 2020-06-24 18:33:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,305
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19729393
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Learning_more/pseuds/Learning_more
Summary: Six months after leaving New York, Rafael is called back to help with a cold case. Determined not to involve himself in Olivia's life anymore than necessary, a call to the ER changes things.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, long-time lurker, first-time writer. I have had this story going round in my head for ages and have half of it written down. I am hoping that by posting this I will be able to finish it. As my first story I know this is not going to be up to the standard that I love to read - but you have to start somewhere! 
> 
> On a side note, I am dyslexic. I love to read and I would love to write well but that takes practice - I will get things wrong. If anyone would like to Beta, kick me up the ass etc I would love that. Constructive criticism well recieved.

The message came through at 6pm. She obviously had waited until the end of the day to text him. 

He was just packing his things into his briefcase when his phone pinged. The name made him pause, his heart caught. It was simple and to the point. After 6 months of him trying to reach out to her, the message was impersonal.

– Det Hopkins of Brooklyn 23 is trying to get a hold of you. –

That was it. No preamble, no... nothing. All the unanswered messages he had sent over the last 6 months where there above it. Check in messages, sorry messages, angry messages when she didnʼt respond, resolute messages at the end. All marked as read, all unanswered. It was his own fault.

On the drive back to his home he wondered how much it had cost her to send that message and what she was thinking knowing he had read it. Was she expecting a answer? Would she talk to him?

Sitting on his couch, scotch in hand, watching the night fall in over his yard, he contemplated his responses.

Saved on his phone was the last message she sent him, a voicemail sent six weeks after he left. Six weeks of her leaving him messages, pleading with him to tell her he was ok, asking where he was, if he was coming home.

The voicemail as the last thing sent. It was short, evidence of tears shed and resigned tone in her voice.

“Hi... Iʼm sorry for calling. Today has been a really tough day. I could have really used hearing your voice.”

His heart had sunk when he first heard the message. He hasnʼt meant to be untouchable, out of reach for so long. The thought that he needed to start to rebuild his life, to start to move forward - but he hadnʼt meant to do it completely without her. His response was to try and call but he got sent straight to voicemail. So the messages began. First that he was sorry he couldn’t be there. Then with information about where he had settled, his job, general information. No response – and he deserved that. But he kept texting.

Now, sat looking at his first contact from her in 6 months he didnʼt know how to respond. Too much to say...... so he did what he thought he could and hoped it conveyed so much more.

\- Thank You -


	2. Chapter 2

Det Sophia Hopkins appeared in her office on a Thursday morning. Carisi practically leapt from his desk to introduce her to Olivia, escorting her into Oliviaʼs office. To her credit, Det Hopkins looked slightly bemused at Carisiʼs actions.

“Lieu this is Det Hopkins from Brooklyn 23 prescient. Sophia, this is Lieutenant Benson.”

Olivia raised an eyebrow at the use of Sophiaʼs first name which Carisi clocked. Pointing to the visitor chairs, Olivia set her glasses down on her desk.

“Detective Hopkins, what can Manhattan SVU do for you?”

“Lieutenant, thank you for your time. Iʼll get straight to the point. Iʼm trying to get hold of former ADA Rafael Barba.”

Olivia thought she was going to be sick.

“Iʼm sorry detective but Iʼve not spoken to ADA Barba in six months. Last time I knew he was in Miami. Have you tried calling him?”

Sophia had the decency to look uncomfortable with even asking Olivia where Barba was.

“I have been trying to contact him for two weeks using the number I have for him. Lieutenant, normally I wouldnʼt even ask but I reached out to Sonny to see if he could help and he recommended I try you. He seemed.... reluctant to bring it up with yourself hence why I am here.”

That made sense of Carisiʼs over enthusiastic entrance before. Olivia bet almost anything he was lurking by her door trying to work out how pissed she was going to be with him.

“Brooklynʼs ADA has reopened a murder from 10 years ago. The defendant was originally acquitted but new evidence has come to light. The ADA wants a retrial, however, some of the original testimony has gone missing. We believe ADA Barba might be able to provide some insights. I know this is unusual but I was hoping to might be able to at least get Rafael to talk to me.”

Sophia looked hopefully at Olivia. She could understand why Carisi was so eager to help her. She has obviously used her pleading expression on men before to get what she wanted and was hopeful Olivia might also be susceptible. 

Olivia desperately wanted to say no. There was no way she wanted to get involved with Barba, didnʼt want to speak to him, didnʼt want to give him any idea that communication between the two of them was possible. But.... things must be desperate for a Brooklyn detective to have taken steps to come over there.

“Leave me your number. I canʼt promise anything but I can try and get him to answer your calls.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to get a chunk out in one go so that you can get a flavour of the story.
> 
> I gave up on SVU after Elliot left. I watched re-runs but couldn't get back into the show. 18 months a go suddenly I am watching season 16 thinking who the hell is this guy. The chemistry - wow. I literally just got back into it and Barba left. Not again! I now live through re-runs again. Here's hoping he pops up in season 21.

Rafaelʼs decision to come back to NYC wasnʼt his to make. He was practically ordered by the Brooklyn ADA to meet with Detective Hopkins and her unit ASAP.

Apparently conference calls werenʼt enough. Face to face time was needed to go through witness statement, trial prep notes and to jog Barbaʼs memory regarding what could be missing from the evidence currently in storage.

He was allowing 5 days and that was it. 5 days in Manhattan to go through some things, tie up some loose ends and see his mother. No way was he going to set foot in 1PP, the courthouse or anywhere near Manhattan SVU. No way, not a chance......

He agonised about whether to tell Olivia. Nothing else had been communicated between them since her request that he answer his phone to Detective Hopkins. He didnʼt know whether Olivia was in the loop regarding the cold case currently under review by Brooklyn Homicide.  
Detective Hopkins seemed to understand his reluctance to travel back to New York and he requested that she keep it on the down low. That didnʼt mean that word hadnʼt got out. But, he hadnʼt heard anything from Olivia so maybe that was for the best.

Landing at JFK, Rafael took a cab to Midtown. He couldnʼt believe he was back here almost 10 months since he left. He was assaulted by the sights and sounds of a city he once loved. Nothing seemed to have changed in his absence but he couldn't help feel like a stranger. In a way he supposed he was, he was nothing like the man that once lived there. The cab drove dangerously close to Oliviaʼs precinct and he found himself both hoping and dreading he would see her.

******  
Rafael has made plans to have dinner with his mother that evening before he started working in Brooklyn.

He hoped that if he worked day and night he could leave before his 5 days were up. In and out before anyone knew he was there.

He was dreading what his mother was going to say. Their relationship had been fraught during his absence although she had flown to Miami during her summer break. He knew she was going to ask when he was moving back to New York but he didnʼt have an answer for her. He actually liked his work in Miami and was contemplating taking the bar exam out there. He worked in victim advocacy was fulfilling and he was keeping regular hours. He knew the lifestyle suited him. He was exercising, not drinking as much and had a healthy tan. He was slim and healthy for the first time in a long time and he knew that he looked good. Although women had been paying him some attention, he wasnʼt interested, trying to focus on himself rather than a relationship.

He should have known it wasnʼt going to be that easy. The first inkling was at 8 pm when his mother rang to say she was running late. Already on his way to the restaurant, Rafael found himself with some time to kill. A block away he found a small neighbourhood bar. Small enough that there were a few tables outside and booths out the back.

Settling at the bar Rafael ordered a scotch and decided he could wait his mother out there instead of looking like he had been stood up in a restaurant. Drinking and playing on his phone meant he wouldnʼt miss a call from his mom when she was on her way, but also meant he wasnʼt aware of what was going on around him. Somewhere in his head a voice caught his ears. Male, mid-30s, Staten Island accent...Shit!

Looking around cautiously he hoped he was wrong but he caught sight of Sonny casually leaning against the bar.

There was no way he could get out without Carisi seeing him, he would have to walk straight past him and there were nʼt enough patrons from him to get lost in the crowd. His only hope was that Carisi would either leave before him, or, he took a seat which meant he would hurry out without being seen. Neither was going to happen.

What he wasnʼt expecting was the heavily pregnant, short blonde woman who suddenly appeared in front of him. He didnʼt know who was worse to see, Rollins or Carisi.

“Amanda”

“Councillor” Rafael inwardly flinched at her tone. 

Lucky at this point Carisi joined the group. At least he looked pleased to see him. Passing Rollins what looked like a club soda, he clapped Raefel on the back, a big grin in place.

“Barba, great to see you man. How are things? We didnʼt know you were back in town. How long are you back for?”

Rafael had the decency to look sheepish at that. He could have told at least Carisi he was back for a few days but he couldnʼt risk Liv finding out. But by the look Rollins had that wasnʼt going to be an option.

“Just helping out Brooklyn Homicide for a few days on an old case.”

“Yeah, Detective Hopkins managed to get hold of you then? Good good. Wasnʼt sure if the Lieutenant gave her your number.”

So that explained that then. He never knew Hopkins had reached out through Carisi. Rafaelʼs phone beeped at that moment with a message from his mom indicating she had just got off the subway and was walking down towards the restaurant. Rafael couldn't be happier to get away from the looks Rollins was giving him.

He started to grab his things together, throwing money into the bar to pay for his drink.

“A pleasure to see you guys. Iʼll see you around”.

Carisi gave him a small smile and a nod, “Donʼt be a stranger councillor”.

Rafael had made it a few steps out of the door and down the sidewalk when Rollins caught up to him.

“Barba!” He knew he had got away lightly before. Turning slowly he knew he couldnʼt out run her even if she was pregnant. She was standing there, hands on her waist looking angry as hell.

“Does Liv know youʼre in town?” He knew if he lied there was a possibility things would escalate quickly.

“No”. Taking a deep breath he stared at the ground.

“Are you planning on telling her?” Looking up he couldnʼt decide what would be the best answer to make sure he got out this conversation alive. So he decided on the truth.

“I donʼt know. Maybe....weʼre not on the best terms at the moment”

“No kidding” Amanda whispered under her breath.

He was surprised at Amandaʼs response.

Amanda felt uncomfortable in this situation. Honestly, she didnʼt want to get involved but seeing Barba at the bar she felt a flash of protection towards Olivia. Liv was her friend and she saw first hand what the effect of his leaving had done to her. But here he was, in the city, and maybe some good could come out of this.

“You broke her heart Rafael. She was devastated when you left. She wasnʼt the same, and she had no one to talk too. She was hurting but all she could worry about was you. Where you were, if you were ok, if you hurting.”

Rafael didnʼt know what to say. Amanda tried to get him to look into her eyes. She didn't want him to think she was saying these things to upset him. She just wanted him to have all the facts.

“Are you going to tell her that you saw me?”

“ I donʼt know. She is finally starting to be in a good place. I donʼt want to send her back if she finds out that you are here.”

“Maybe itʼs for the best that she doesnʼt find out. I donʼt want to hurt her more than I have done already”.

“Maybe if you got your head out of your ass you both could sort your lives out” Amanda angrily retorted, both of them looked shocked at her reaction.

“Sorry. Hormones.” Rafael could help smirk but quickly wiped it off when he saw Amandaʼs face.

“Look, you have until tomorrow to tell her otherwise I will. Itʼs up to her to make the decision to see you. What Iʼve learnt the past few months is that she didnʼt get a choice in any of this. We should give her that now.”

Rafael didnʼt know how to respond, he just nodded, inside hoping that Amanda would do the dirty work for him so that he could hide under a rock until Friday when he could fly home and not deal with any of this.

“Thanks Amanda. Congratulations by the way”.

He ducked out of the way when Amanda looked like she couldnʼt decide between hugging him or slapping him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The bar is based on Park Bar, Union Square if anyone knows it. I used to spend a lot of time in this bar about 10 years a go.


End file.
